How to seem like you’re a functioning adult
Ella shows you how to look like you know what you’re doing. Sometimes you need to fake it to make it…
Being an adult is A LOT of pressure. Like… A LOT. Booking doctor’s appointment FOR YOURSELF. Washing sheets FOR YOUR OWN BED and ACTUALLY looking at your bank account balance and you credit score *cries*. It can all be slightly overwhelming. However, doing these five things will make it seem like you don’t completely need a higher-ranking adult’s help.
Put things in jars
The moment you walk into your dream kitchen in IKEA they don’t have random boxes and packets on the counters… they have JARS. Jars look nice. It looks like you have all this extra time to put your Coco Pops in a jar to then pour it out again to eat all in the morning. Wow! So accomplished!
Get a bunch of succulents
Plants confirm that you can look after something other than yourself. Succulents are like looking after a sponge. They just need water like every month or something. If you get one of those bad boys in a cute pot – WOAH, now you seem like you’re into interior design too. Very grownup.
Find easy things to wear
Apparently, adults know how to iron and know when to take things to the dry cleaner’s or whatever. I don’t know about you, but between deciding between something Deliveroo or Domino’s and choosing what facemask to use, I just don’t have the time. Clothes like jumpsuits, dresses, non-iron suits and shirts exist and give you the appearance of a very organised persona. They’ll also save you so much time in the morning when you oversleep.
Carry things around that someone else might need
How impressive is it when you express your need for a breath mint and your mum is like “here you go”, or when you’re like “I don’t understand how on earth I get to Elephant and Castle from Brixton” and she’s like “here’s three copies of the Tube map, an Oyster card and fold-up bike just in case”? Carry around tissues, a lighter, an emergency sewing kit, a cereal bar – anything really that’s kind of useful – and people will think you’re this organised with everything. They might even trust with their taxes or their children (side note: you do not have to accept the inevitable offers of trust with regards to taxes or children).
Have an obscure hobby
“How’d you know Jim?”
“Oh, we go waaaay back. I met him mushroom farming in the Netherlands as part of my charity work crocheting shoes for abandoned puppies.”
How grownup does that sound?! Your hobby doesn’t have to be that extreme, but something that occupies your time more than PS4 and Instagram will give your Great Aunt Sue less of a reason to squeeze you cheeks and tell you “how much you’ve grown” at the next family gathering. Also, you might meet some cool new grownup friends – sick, you’ll be a functioning adult by association!
My fellow young adults, life after school is super weird but I hope this list gives you a quick start to feeling like you function like a proper adult. You can do it – I believe in you! Although if you can’t I’m sure there’s a higher-ranking adult around to help you out (I really hate calling the doctors).