My Weird New Years Resolutions

source: http://allisonpataki.com

source: http://allisonpataki.com

It’s 2015. Which means everyone you know are making all those false or not-so false New Years Resolutions. Sham is pretty tired of all the clichéd promises to go to the gym one thousand times a week and wake up at 6am everyday kind of resolutions, here’s a real list.

These are my New Years Resolutions (kind of)…let’s do this!

1. Take Part In Extreme Ironing

A man surfing on some rad waves whilst ironing his trousers. Swag.

source: http://cdn.emgn.com

Yes, this is real. I didn’t think it was at first, but it is, and I’m blown away.

“Extreme Ironing (also called EI) is an extreme sport and a performance art in which people take ironing boards to remote locations and iron items of clothing.”- Wikipedia

Extreme ironing is probably one of the more nuttier things I’ve seen in my 21 years of life, but strangely enough, I want to do it. Who else is with me? Just me?

I can imagine myself standing on top of a moving lorry whilst ironing my smart trousers already. Everyone would be calling me the Bristol Iron man, or something else cool like that.

PS. to all those that suck at ironing (myself), we all now have an excuse to why our shirts and trousers are so creased in the morning, yaay.

2. To watch FEWER cute and cuddly cat videos on YouTube

Blank faced cat meme stating: I have to run as fast as i can to a randomly selected other room

source: http://assets.dogtime.com/

We are all secretly guilty of this to be fair. But to the extent that it becomes a new year’s resolution?  I mean, come on, cats are the most interesting species on the planet, with all their cuteness, addiction to cardboard boxes and chasing of lasers.

You just can’t help but going on a YouTube cat-athon.

However, there are there people slightly worse than me:

A tweet from @laurallg22 stating: "New Years Resolution- Stop using my cat as an excuse for a boyfriend"

source: twitter.com/laurallg22

3. Spend less than £182,581,943 on coffee this year

A lady on a panel rapidly blinking and nodding

source: imgur.com

At one point of our lives, we all go through the caffeine phase (mine has only been the last six…….teen years). The endless espressos, teas or energy drinks that we apparently ‘need’ to keep us going for work or college.

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED HOW MUCH YOU SPEND ON IT A YEAR THOUGH?

Do the math with me:

edit by: Shamil Ahmed

edit by: Shamil Ahmed

Okay, coffee isn’t evil, but spending loads on it is. If you are, we need to get it sorted, dude.

4. Sleep like no one is watching

http://s-ak.buzzfed.com

http://s-ak.buzzfed.com

If you’re anything like me, you’re a really fiddly sleeper. You can’t get comfortable and truly spread your wings in your single bed duvet sandwich because you’re just too concerned with someone walking in and finding out what a big slob you are.

Well this year, that will change…pillows, alarm clocks with snooze buttons and octopus-like legs everywhere. Let’s do what we need to get that perfect sleep in.

Zzz away, dear friend, zzz away.

5. stop eating nutella out of the jar

If you know Nutella, it’s totally not your fault. I and everyone else in the world understand why you are so in love with chocolate and hazel-nutty dreams in a jar.

But we should stop eating it from the jar, let’s try it in a sandwich instead.

6. I will fulfil all of last year’s wishes

edit by: Shamil Ahmed

edit by: Shamil Ahmed

We all know what this means.

Seriously though, if you are focused and motivated on completing your resolutions this year, I and the Rife gang are with you. You totally are the best and you rock, and because you are the best and you rock you should tell us your resolutions or other random stuff @rifemag (on Twitter/Instagram/Tumblr) or at Rife Magazine (on Facebook).

Let’s have a great 2015, and lets tick off those resolutions!

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